The modern theories

August 15, 2008

In the past one week, I have come across two women in their early twenties- one divorced and the other a single mother. This year, two of my closest friends both of whom had a fairy tale wedding last summer, walked out of their marriage shaken and devastated by the fact that the person they married was not the same anymore. One of them came back from USA, having to leave her husband’s house, and drop out of University.

Almost in all cases, they said their partners were not the same after a while, they refused to compromise, understand and in most importantly, stay. And life changed forever.

All of these coupled with more serious cases, where two women were killed this month by their husbands because they wished to be with someone else, raise important questions and thoughts. All of this week I have rambled on these and here I am.

We are living in an age of rampant divorce and the accompanying uproar. The idea that two people can be happy together, maturing alongside each other, seems to be at the far end of the milepost, as unrealistic as a fairytale could be. So, we have relationships day in and day out, and a good number of relationships are ending, because it isn’t bad after all. The end of each of these relationships is in fact, is the evidence and clear indication that the relationship was never any good to begin with.

Add to that, it’s also a source of gossip for many and a chance for the guru’s to reiterate their ‘I told you so’ and ‘you got it all wrong’ lines. But, we continue on, never the less. All of these bitter ends to relationships that we hear about, all of the perfect couples falling apart do not seem to change anything at all.

Maybe in our generation, we, at least most of us, have failed to learn that nothing can compare to a life long relationship – where the magic does not only last for the first few years, where the partners embrace each others differences, respect each other and work to keep it intact. Or maybe we’re simply too immature to commit. Maybe, we no longer believe in permanence.

The truth about today’s relationship is that there is no permanence. Just the other day, I was reading a piece by a college student where she wrote, ‘almost all the guys I went out with, in some way I wanted one thing from them- perhaps permanence, the assurance they would stay, at least, for a long while.’ Do these lines ring a bell? This has been a rap against men for ages, but no worries, women are now effectively following suit.

It’s not our fault, now is it? You say. True. We have the world and of course, the world of sex, lust, fling, excitement and adventures right at our fingertips- so its justified. It’s a tough choice after all- to settle, to compromise and more importantly to stay.

At the same time, as I write about how relationships lack permanence, I agree its hard finding your match and that you do not really know a person until you are with them. And therefore, you must go out with many before you make a choice. But the question, do you try enough, to make it stay?

So, I do occasionally wonder. Especially this week, I have wondered several times- if we can’t get past ourselves and learn to embrace other’s differences, compromise and learn to value the magic of love, then what is in store? A generation of selfish beings who have their own ways, their own agendas, egos and self esteem. Are we really representing a whole age of loneliness, commercial wants, modern theories of love and mate selection on the basis of shallow criteria?

I do belong do this generation and by all means, I am a staunch proponent of my generation- of being able to make your own choice, of living life your own way, but at the same time, I believe, despite all those who love to dally in the world of casual sex and random relationships, everyone wants love and warmth- the kind that would stay. The kind that will last for a longer time. Food for thought ladies and gentlemen.

One comment

  1. I do tend to agree with the views expressed above, which seem to come after much reflection on the nature of marital relationship. Yes, increasingly the world, as we know it, is selfish, self-centered and competitive. The tendency has cast its shadow on marital relationship as well. The consequence of that is the growing number of divorces all over the world. The children are the worst affected persons in this process of a marital breakdown. The play of the opposites in this phenomenal world make us long for a permanency that does not exist. An illusion!

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